Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Home Sick

Today had it's ups and downs. Melanie is still down and cries on and off. If you ask her how she feels, her response is, "It depends on the moment." I feel bad that my trying to help is not really helping. I came to understand a bit of what Melanie is going through tonight as I have been pondering the day. Let me back up and explain some things she said earlier.

I thought things were getting a bit better, but then she told me that she wanted to go back to Greg's house. At first I thought, what am I doing wrong? She went on to explain that being here with our family and our routines and such makes her realize more the things that she is missing by not being home. She misses being a mom and being with Kaden so much. As I thought more about this I had some insight. Melanie has been in a hospital a majority of this time. A hospital is so foreign from anything she was doing at home. There was constant nurses, doctors, and others who would be coming in and out. When she was able to leave the first time, she went to Greg's, his house was full of people. My mom, dad, Kim, Kaden, Greg, and Charise were there and it was a busy Christmas season. Going back into the hospital the second time was harder now that she had seen the outside again. I could tell she was getting a bit down. Then she comes to my house. It is just me and my family, and it is full of things that remind her of home and being a mom. I feel so bad, and had no idea this would be the response. I tried to remember how I feel when I am away from my kids. When Steve and I have been on a trip, I am usually good for short periods of time. A few times we have been gone for a couple of weeks, and it gets the hardest when I see other kids or something that really reminds me of one of my own.

Unfortunately, Melanie can not go back to Greg's, unless my mom comes down. She is trying to work to save her days for when Melanie has her transplant. This is another issue that I think is really getting Mel down. She found out on Monday that she will be admitted into the hospital on Feb. 2, and have the transplant on Feb. 11. I know this is farther away than we originally thought. Melanie really just wants to get it all over with. I think all of this is making her a bit depressed. She seemed a bit better this evening and I asked her if she was feeling better. She said she is alright if she doesn't think about it. We meet with her doctors on Friday. Hopefully they can see if there is anything that might help her. I hope she will have a chance to speak with a counselor as well.

Please hang in there with me, Melanie. I love you so much and only want the best for you!

6 comments:

Kerren said...

Angie, your understanding and wisdom is amazing. It has to be soooo hard to keep trying to put the sun back in the sky only to still see more clouds and tears. Your awareness & perception of Mel's feelings makes sense to me, and I suppose it helps you to understand Mel's difficulties. Bless you, and bless Melanie. Our prayers are with all of you.

Marley said...

(hoping this will make you laugh)

My birthday is February 11th and you know I keep asking for Melanie to get better and stuff so I now am thinking someone must have listened because for my birthday she gets a transplant!!! YAY!!! what could be a better present than that?

k love you Mel, keep your chin up and never give up hope :)

Marlene Mitton

Soto family said...

Chin up Mel! You are the toughest lady I know! Hang in there. You'll be better and back home and back to normal in no time!
I luv yer gutz!

OKINAWA!!!!!!!!!!!! Mmmmuahhhh!
Jen

jen said...

Melanie,
I think about you all the time. When I was Kaden's age, my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. On her bad days she would say that crying makes your tear ducts cleaner. You are such a sweet person! I just love ya!

Something that helped me when I was young was my mom's fun wigs. She had a Whitney Houston Wig (full fro and everything) and a cute blond one. Might be fun to get one. She was also always joking that she couldn't find her boobs. (She had a double masectomy).

I know it is very hard! We are praying for you!

Love,
Jenny Painter

Heidi Hartley said...

I wish I knew what to say or do that might help you Melanie. My heart breaks for you. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. We ended up at Primary Children's last week with Matt. We were there for a few days and I thought of you a lot. It is impossible to sleep in a hospital! I hope you are able to have a good cry and then I hope things start looking up for you.

Jill said...

Hi Melanie! I was talking with Kathy Strong tonight at Young Women and she told me about this blog. I've just read everything that's been written and I can't imagine all you've been through over the past 2 months. You are are so tough and just think how wonderful it will be when the worst is over. You need to get back to Hyde Park and ready for volleyball in the fall! I admire you so much and want you to know that I'll be thinking and praying for you. You can do it, Melanie. All of the HP Sports ladies are pulling for you! Love, Jill Blotter